As I get older, there is a boundary 'circle' I have built around me.

Two years ago, I was the baby sister of a bunch of Tamil guys who went to the same university as I did and lived an apartment building away. Of course there were two who initially considered me as a 'younger sister' and eventually 'professed their love' for me, but thats a story for a rainy day.I stayed up with the six of them, independently, on several different occasions till 6 or 7 in the morning as they rambled on in drunken stupor about old loves and lost loves and current-but-annoying loves.

- The girlfriend who ran away and got married but he still hoped would come back to him

- The girlfriend who was perfect but their 'jadagams' didn't match

- The girlfriend who was so beautiful and the insecurity about his own looks marred any progress in their relationship that teemed in angry fights and abuse.

I stayed up with them through all those nights, being a good friend. I opened bottles when hands covered faces to hide their pain, I tore kitchen towels off the rack in frenzied runs for spilled tears and drinks, I covered them with blankets after they passed out and left in the morning sun to catch up on sleep.

I brushed off the bad times, ignored their mistakes. Because thats what good friends do.

There is a very close friend I have right now. Lets call him/her 'it'.

We spend a lot of time together. And the trend in our friendship is where I give and give and give and it isn't reciprocated. Reciprocated to the point where I have started to find silly excuses to hang out with It because all that goes in my mind is all the wrong but predictable things that can happen in the evening because my mind races to the past seven months.It gets angry for the smallest things and gets into panic attacks atleast 3 times in 5 hours, It never pays its share of the bill, Its selfishness amazes me..and the list goes on.

And I can't be a good friend anymore.

Because I'm tired.

I am tired of giving and never receiving.

I have enough friends to give up on a few.

Because I'm getting older and I'm tired.

I've build that 'boundary circle' and its been breached and broken several times over.

I'm getting older and its a bitch rebuilding it.

So please,

Be a friend and respect my space and understand your place.

I might be brushing it off my shoulder, but really all I'm doing is bottling it up to a point when I want to let go of you.