Ain't No Sunshine When He's Gone

Mr. Brownie passed away at 7.10 today.
He turned 30 days today.
I woke up this morning and fed him his usual dose of milk and Complan and was rather proud that I had given him a lot more.He seemed to be resisting a lot more and I was happy he was a little more active today.
I then held him in my arms and walked him up and down and took him to the hall to play with the other puppies.The one I showed him to ran away.Maybe it knew.

I spent the whole day feeding him with Murugu and we kept telling Brownie boy that he was going to become big and fat like Ozzy and grow up and I would teach him how to bite his mother for being so indifferent during his sickness.We laughed and spoke about how the future would be and how he would run around next week like all the other pups.
We gave him two hot sponge baths and I put him to sleep just the way he liked it.On an old dupatta with a white cloth covering him to keep him warm.
A light coat of Vicks to help him breathe easier.

We then took him towards Ozzy and Tubby who just bolted out of the room when he was brought near.Maybe they knew too.

My mother and my sister took a day off to meet relatives and take a break and I was under house arrest since someone had to stay back and look after him.
When my mother got back,she called the vet.
For the first time in two years, he came as soon as we called and not a few days later.
When I asked him how his condition was,he said that Brownie was in his final stages and he would pass away in the night or in the morning.
The doctor wanted to put him on drips immediately.
As I held him in my arms for the last time,I knew it was over.
He was given an injection before the drips and that's when he spasmed into his death.
Right in front of my eyes.

A few days ago,another leading doctor told me that it was only nursing that would revive him.
And my family put our heart and soul into it.We would wake up at odd hours in the night and stay up with him.
He kept in a little box filled with duppattas and cloth to make it nice and cushiony.
He's been buried in a nice plot.With all his medicines and duppattas and cloth.
I've kept his brown collar and syringes carefully hidden away.

I wish we could have helped him.
I wish he had died a painless death.
I wish he would just look up at me with those beautiful blue eyes that he had, in that mournful way.
I wish he would come back to me.
I wish I could place him on my stomach and watch him sleep once more.
I wish I had taken better care of him.Done something extra that might have helped.
I feel like a part of me has died.I think it has.

I'm sitting in the room where I've slept with him for the past week.He's not here anymore.His box is missing.There are no medicines around.No syringes.All the Cerelac and Pediasure has been buried along with him.

The tears won't stop.Just when I thought I had cried it all out,it starts all over again.

You win God.You get to play with him.But I'll always love him more...